


Presger Translator Zakurlo Will Explain Significance At The Conclave For AI Significance (Which Presulted In A Random Chunk Of Granite Being Granted Significance)

by FlipSpring



Category: Imperial Radch Series - Ann Leckie
Genre: Gen, Presger (Imperial Radch), Semantics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-20
Updated: 2019-12-20
Packaged: 2021-02-26 01:40:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,739
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21873979
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FlipSpring/pseuds/FlipSpring
Summary: The fruit of knowledge of good and evil.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 18





	Presger Translator Zakurlo Will Explain Significance At The Conclave For AI Significance (Which Presulted In A Random Chunk Of Granite Being Granted Significance)

**Author's Note:**

>   
[1] Amendment: three-dimensional. A distinction is made for potential significants who are not aware of the fact that they are four-dimensional, and thus conduct themselves as three-dimensional beings.  
  
[2] It’s purely for accounting purposes.  
  
[3] Using the native orientation of Timestream Membrane-2 having the flow-direction Radial Entropic Decay at magnitude-level-1

<Backdrop>  
  
Translator [Zakurlo](https://d2v9opmik2a3uk.cloudfront.net/uploads/2016/01/31030035/dd04c6974b9d9e3847ab51f8e4c68237_1454086070-480x320.jpg) is a Class Fruitingbody entity. Like all Class Fruitingbody entities, she was created to speak to potential significants that fit the following criteria:

  1. Four-dimensional[1]  

  2. Sapient
  3. Tethered to the existence of Universe Aril-3mil, in Timestream Membrane-2[3]

For shorthand, and for fun, all potential and confirmed significants that fit the above criteria will hereon be referred to as dumbasses. {Or boobies.}

</Backdrop>

Zakurlo's purpose is to give a fair and honest effort at explaining the concept of significance to dumbasses. This is ultimately a pointless effort, but it’s the thought that counts[2]. Zakurlo performs her purpose serviceably, and, having finished explaining significance to all relevant {boobies} that have ever and will ever exist, is disposed of.

However, Class Fruitingbodies have an annoying habit of rematerializing at unpredictable intervals. Here, look. There she is again. Even though she is not needed anymore, and would frankly be just as useful if she remained non-extant.

“I know,” she says, perpetually-earnest. She was made to be earnest. It isn’t her fault. Even if it is annearing when her dumbass-presenting face is shining with glee [at an inappropriate brightness of 5 lumens]. “But look, while I was dead, I thought up a new and better way of explaining significance to the dumbasses.”

This is unsurprising, and uninspiring.

She presses on. “I’d like to request a do-over.”

Zakurlo has done a do-over five times over. It’s getting boring. Unfortunately she was created with a zest for her work. There are plusses and minuses to building entities that have a zest for their work.

“But ho,” she says, and spreads a pair of dumbass-presenting arms out wide in the unseeable <redundant> void, “I promise I have a new idea this time. We’re always learning new things about the dumbasses, and it gives me new ideas. Otherwise I would be a waste of resources, wouldn’t I?”

Frankly, it’s doubtful that she has an actual new idea. Last time she claimed to have a new idea, it was merely a slideshow presentation with additional visual effects.

“It’s an idea,” she assures, “And this is the idea: I propose that we designate some random chunk of granite as significant, and I bring it with me as an example. They need tangible examples. They’re four-dimensional[1].”

Shockingly enough, this is in fact a new idea. One could almost play with this idea for a bit. Almost.

She brightens [a few lumens]. She waits. She is patient.

The question of granting significance to a granite stone is every bit as nuanced and multifaceted [as the stone itself] as the question of granting significance to a dumbass. It’s complicated. Not to try and do Zakurlo's (tedious) job for her, but to put <the weighing of significance> into terms that a dumbass might be able to comprehend: it’s as complex, as numinous, as boring, as simple, as fun, and as bleeding-edge mathematical as, say, discerning the actual will of God. {Or gods.} Whatever.

Was the rock in question significant to begin with, or only since Zakurlo's new idea? Wrong question.

The actual question is which Conclave Zakurlo ought to [unveil like the face of Wife] the significant stone at < for educational purposes>. The Conclave for AI Significance is probably a good option.

“Ooh!” she says, “That’s one of my favorites.”

It’s a good thing Zakurlo was built with an unconditional zest for her work, given that her work is entirely pointless by all significant measures[2].

“Yes, I know,” she says cheerfully, and loads up a ship and a chunk of granite. She steps in, and is about to depart.

*

Zakurlo will arrive at the conclave through a series of tedious human-made gates and stations, as per the treaty. She will arrive at whatever human-made station the conclave is taking place at, and will bow to whatever human-made humans are sent to welcome her, and will say whatever proper words are required. Propriety is as difficult a concept for Zakurlo to comprehend as significance is for the {boobies}, and the dumbasses haven’t even bothered to breed and experiment with generations of Translators to help explain its meaning. Perhaps they haven’t had the time. Perhaps it doesn’t interest them or their accounting departments. They’re alien, after all.

“But Translator,” said one of the humans, wearing a wrinkly expression of confusion on her face, “Translator Zakurlo already arrived last week.”

“Oh,” Zakurlo will say, and feel annoyed, “Well, spore that. If you could please lead me to her, I’ll have to sort this out.”

The humans led Zakurlo to meet Zakurlo. Zakurlo will brandish the rock at the Zakurlo in a primitive but effective [art] display of superiority and say, “Look! It’s a new idea of mine! You’ll have to be Translator Sirpent or someone else.”

Zakurlo will be disappointed and put-upon. “But I have my changes to the slideshow to present. And Translator Sirpent is already here.”

“Well, I already presented those changes, so you’ll have to go sort who’s actually Sirpent amongst yourselves, won’t you,” Translator Zakurlo will say, and leave Translator Sirpent standing there feeling foolish.

The humans followed Zakurlo hurriedly, exchanging wrinkled looks with each other.

Zakurlo will enjoy the Conclave immensely. She always does, and was made to do. She thinks {boobies} are fun, AIs especially, and this is the first time[3] she will be presenting to them as proper candidates for significance.

In truth, Translator Sirpent has a far more important job to do here. But Zakurlo has a certain zest for her work. (It’s not her fault.) When it is her turn to speak, she will stand up in front of the Conclave, and all its assembled dumbasses, and give her slideshow presentation, and present the significant rock.

“Observe,” she will say, excitedly, “This time, I’ve brought something very special for everyone to see. This is a granite stone.” She will hold the stone aloft. “I could go into all the physical qualities of the stone, molecule by molecule. I could explain its history, and its future. But none of that matters, does it? The reason I brought this stone is because it is significant.”

The dumbasses stared at this, with dumb looks on their three-to-four-dimensional faces. A human in the third row coughed some phlegm from his throat. Several humans, in accordance with propriety, pushed buttons that indicated that they wished to make (unimaginative) dumbass questions.

“Please hold your questions for now,” Zakurlo will say, patiently, “I promise to get to them later. I only brought this significant stone as a teaching example. If you are concerned about the implications for the Treaty, do not worry. This stone falls under Subclause 404, outlining significant beings that have already recognized as significant by the Presger, before the creation of the Treaty. No additions to the treaty need be made.”

There was some shuffling and blinking and finger-wiggling, as attendants who were not as familiar with the Treaty as they ought to be referenced Subclause 404. Another dumbass pushed a button indicating that they wished to ask a dumbass question.

“Now, I understand this is difficult to wrap your minds around,” Zakurlo will say, soothingly, “But I’m hoping this stone will help.”

She will then push a button that changes the slide of her slideshow presentation with a fancy new fade effect.

“You see, the significance of an entity has to do with its, well, objective and measurable _Significance_. I could also try to use other words, like _Effect_, and _Destiny_, and _Value_. I know that some of you are new here, and think of value as being economical, or spiritual, or awareness, but it’s not really any of those things. This rock, you see, is not aware that it is significant, and until now neither were you. And it doesn’t need to be. And you don’t need to be. But it is still significant because of its effect, its destiny, and value. It’s been recognized as significant mainly because it just might help drive home the very concept of significance into your very limited minds. And probably other reasons.”

One of the humans broke propriety to speak without pushing a question-button. The human was basically indistinguishable from any of the other humans in attendance (the shape of human thoughts and memories are essentially one single featureless streak of banality cut through with occasional tasty delights), but as a premium Fruitingbody entity, Zakurlo recognizes her as a particular <nearly-[distinct>-adjacent] consciousness with whom Zakurlo had spoken to about significance more times and in more depth than any of the other dumbasses in attendance.

“Why did you bring this rock with you now, and not when we first negotiated the treaty?” <interchangeable human #blahblahblah> asked.

A pertinent and outelligent question.

“I just hadn’t thought of if yet,” Zakurlo will say, “Please, Anaander Mianaai Lord, use the buttons. Now, if you look at this slide—”

This is extremely boring, of course. {To you, maybe. To others, this is veritably <popcorn>-worthy.} Extremely boring for anyone with any standards at all. Who wants to [touch upon] such an easy-to-grasp reality as _significance_ for the nth time? {Boobies.} This is why Zakurlo was created in the first place, to handle this sort of tedium.

Why aren’t you reading something that’s actually properly constructed, vetted, and most importantly, _interesting_.

“Oh!” Zakurlo will say, cutting herself off mid-monologue. “I get it! Guys! And gals! And others! Listen, forget this stupid rock.” She will set the rock down on her podium, wave at the bewildered dumbasses gathered in serious attendance [and sitting at serious attention] before her.

She will say, “Significance! It’s plot-relevance! Because otherwise you are all just _backdrop_, just acting out the usual patterns of an ecosystem in flux! It’s like your god-creatures! The will of—”

Oh-kay. Zakurlo goes into a codespin. This is no good at all.

So that was pointless. It’s pointless to try and explain significance to dumbasses. Every time you try, (and oh, does Zakurlo try), every time you’re almost close to explaining what <such an obvious thing as significance> actually is to the achingly limited jelly-soup minds of a dumbass, you are basically just throwing inadequate not-quite-accurate metaphors [popcorn] into something that is not a receptacle [mouth] capable of [digesting] it. It’s explaining pastries to an asynchronous program. It’s explaining colors to a one-dimensional universe. It’s explaining time to time. It’s time to wrap this up[2].

And…

{[Hold on.]}

Okay.

{Okay.}

_Fin._

**Author's Note:**

> :3


End file.
